It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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