I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
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And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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