Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
