Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
