i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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