I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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