people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
