did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
