who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
