Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
