People in love make me want to vomit
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
