do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We left an ass print on the piano.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
