If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
