That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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