and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
