That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
