Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
