You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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