he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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