so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
