Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
