the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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