Small penises have feelings too.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
