i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
