I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
