What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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