Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
