alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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