You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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