bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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