So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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