there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
