Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
