Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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