Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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