What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
