Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize