my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
NoShamevember. You game?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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