There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
