I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
