Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
