You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
