i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
