Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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