Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
