obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
