I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
