Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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