Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Holy shit dude........stairs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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