wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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