I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
