Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
