Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
