And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
