Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
