im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
