Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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