Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
