the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
