Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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