I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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