I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Still dying that you shit outside
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