Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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