i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
