guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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