That's when you crack a 10am beer
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
