I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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