Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
