I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
