so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
