he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
