I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
