Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
