My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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