Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
