i just had sex bonerless
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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