Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
