i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
