quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize