she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
