The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
