Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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