May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
