OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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