before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
