hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
